Happy New Year! Here we are, 2022. What will this year bring our way? After the last two, we all tend to look at that just a little differently, don’t we? I know I do!

Are you a “resolution” person? I would say I’ve evolved into a more “reset and new” kind of person. I’ve been thinking a lot about the past year, where I’d like to go, and who I’d like to be in the one heading our way. 

A little different start, right off the bat this January 1. I spent the day alone. Completely in my head, honestly. Relaxing and reflecting. One of the things I’ve done for the past 2 years, is keep a “Jar of Moments.” Little slips of paper on which I write happy adventures, good times shared with family or friends, “ah-ha” moments, kindnesses that were extended to me over the months, when I made a new friend, things I did for others that made me feel lit up inside…you get the idea. On New Years Day, I dump them out and read them all. I usually laugh, smile, and of course, usually tear up at some point. It’s a wonderful way to relive all the best times of the past year and to count all the blessings in my life. 

And this year, I tried something new. I’ll back up a bit…I’ve found a new podcast this past year that I really enjoy. It’s called “Yes And,” hosted by Judi Holler.  (https://judiholler.com/podcast/) She is a dynamo of energy, positivity and possibility, all wrapped up in sequins, lots of pink, with a little hiphop and a dash of leopard print. I found the podcast after my diagnosis. It has given me so much more of a positive outlook and helped me to face this unpredictable disease with courage to do life and all the hard things it throws at us.

So, with that backdrop, I tried one of Judi Holler’s New Year’s practices. (You can listen to the entire episode, #100, “2 Rituals that will Transform Your New Year”, aired December 8, 2021.) I sat down and for one hour, wrote out all the things that scare me, worry me, make me feel small, the false narratives I have in my head that hold me back, and the things/people/habits that need to go in 2022. Wow! It was cathartic and well, kind of scary really. I kept thinking, “what if I have a heart attack or something, this second, and someone finds this?!   They'll think I'm a lunatic!"  It was so raw. I was definitely exposed and emotionally naked.

As you can imagine, Meniere’s Disease was a central player in many of those worries and fears. The things we all tell ourselves we can’t do, shouldn’t do because of, you know, the big “what if?”. What if I fail, what if I can’t do it anymore, what if I plan and have to cancel, what if I let people down, what if people don’t believe me, what if people think I’m weak, what if I waste my money, what if I spend half the trip in bed, spinning? What if I’m on the plane, on a hike, in the boat, at the dinner, at the club, at the party, etc., etc., etc. and have an attack.  Aaahhhh! Our imaginations know no bounds, it seems, when it comes to all that can go wrong, all of our fears, all of the negative.  It stacks up like uncollected garbage! Why is that? 

So…with all that fear, worry, doubt and negativity spewed out on paper…and feeling emotionally spent…I marched into my kitchen, took a lighter, and set that baby on fire!  All that head trash, up in smoke! Admittedly, since I don’t have a fireplace and I was over the sink, so it wasn’t quite as romantic as I envisioned. And suffice it to say, it got a little comical actually, but eventually, those pages were reduced to ashes and I didn’t burn the house down.

That was the goal, right, letting go of those fears and negativity? A symbolic act of starting fresh and new. 

As I sit here, with the winter storm looming, the barometer is climbing faster than I’ve ever seen since I've started keeping track. I can’t get my ears to pop, and my dizzy, off balance “hum,” as I call it, is ever present. I’ve had some whopper vertigo attacks in the last 3 weeks. And yet, I keep those burning pages in mind. We all fear that next attack. We can shove it down, but that fear is with us, to some degree, all the time. Yet as the ashes danced in the air, I felt part of me let go of my tight grasp on that fear. I let it rise with the smoke. 

Last year was the year of the diagnosis, the transition, the year of questioning, the year of realization that yes, things have changed. That I’m living a new journey. A year of learning new ways to take care of myself and let go of bad habits that were not serving me (smoking!) and adopting healther, new ones (low sodium living, running/walking, meditation).  Last year, I began the process of embracing a new way of living with Meniere’s Disease, even as it is always following me like a shadow. 

The new year is here and I’m ready to embrace it more fully. To continue to grow and really dwell in this new life and lifestyle. To step out in acceptance and courage, with boldness, while taking care of myself and exploring all that awaits in 2022. 

My wish for all of us is to continue to find acceptance of this new life we all share. This off-balance world we’ve all been thrown into. To learn what works for us, what helps us to live our best life. To find those people close to us that support us, light us up inside, and are by our sides when we need them most. To really see them and hold them close.  And to continue to find those new friends in this virtual, vestibular disorder community with whom we can share, find true understanding, support, and in whom we find inspiration.

And to find those moments, every day, be they large or small, when we smile, our hearts are warmed, and we feel blessed.

Write those moments down…put them in a jar. On New Year’s Day, 2023, you’ll be glad you did.

With love and good balance, Happy New Year!