I’m pretty matter-of-fact about my Meniere’s Disease. My family, friends and coworkers are supportive and understanding. But the “monster,” the “shadow,” is always along for the ride, isn’t it? 

This week, a whole new experience…

It’s time for a new computer at work. My laptop is running at a snail’s pace. I happily marched into the office to trade in old for new. Files were transferred, passwords updated. It was humming along at a speed I haven’t experience in months! (Wow, my computer really was slow. Worse than I thought.)

Here’s the weird thing, every time I looked at it or spent much time on any application, I felt a vague queasiness. A little dizziness. Just that little hum, you know the one. Especially when there was a lot of white on the screen, like emails.  When I walked away or when returning to my older computer, the uneasiness subsided.

Once it happened three or four times, it dawned on me that I was definitely being triggered. Could I be experiencing photophobia? That’s not typically an issue for me. I’m sure about this time many of you are thinking “yeah, could have told you that. Saw that coming.”

When returning to my old computer, I realized that my brightness setting was at 17%. Nice and dull. Long before my diagnosis, that was the setting I chose as most comfortable. The new computer was, of course, set at 100%. “Well, all I need to do is adjust it,” I thought, “that’s easy enough.” Well, not that simple, as there was no slider bar. I clicked around, pulled down menus, searched the settings, even Googled trying to figure out how to adjust the brightness. And all in between having to walk away from it to ease the building dizziness. 

After I gave up, our IT person gave it a whirl. Apparently, our brand of laptop, which will remain nameless, eliminated this little (yet critical if you ask me) feature a few years ago. Upon checking the internet, we discovered a blazing trail of comments from less than happy users which question the logic and reasoning behind eliminating this particular feature.

Back to the photophobia. This is all new to me.  Once in a while, my phone will trigger me if I’m scrolling. The boomerang effect on Instagram definitely bothers me. For years, I’ve known that bright, reflective sunlight can sometimes cause me to develop a visual aura lasting about 30 minutes or so, but not a headache. My computer, however, has never been an issue. 

Are these new symptoms beginning to manifest? Have they always been there and I just haven’t really noticed them, you know, connected the dots? We’re all hypervigilant when it comes to our sensations…the sounds, the space, the light around us all the time. Am I just now becoming aware of how some of these seemingly random experiences I’ve had have all been pointing to my vestibular disorder all along?

Oddly enough, my doctor and I, almost 2 weeks ago, discussed my overuse of Advil for my neck and upper back stiffness, and frequent headaches. A coincidence? I’m thinking not.  Following a car accident in 1996, I’ve experienced tension, headaches, and stiffness. We discussed if perhaps there may be some vestibular migraine activity occurring as well. 

He prescribed a medication that is also sometimes used as an antidepressant.  Honestly, that kind of freaked me out a bit.  I have no depression issues, however, this one can apparently interrupt some pain messages being sent to the brain. I’m not sure what I think, but admittedly, it is making a difference.  I don't feel any different, EXCEPT,  I have less cervical spine pain and stiffness and I’ve not taken any Advil for over 10 days now.  On the flip side, my resting heart rate has gone up a little. But what's worse?  I've been eating Advil like candy for literally years, and apparently experiencing rebound affects.  So, who am I kidding?

All of this...the new symptoms I experienced with the computer issue, other incidents over the years that might have been symptoms, all the Advil, and now the new medication...it has just got me thinking.  What's next?  Where is this all heading, long-term  in regard to my work, my lifestyle, my independence?

As we age, we tend to be more sedentary, right? In the winter we’re hunkering down and not getting enough exercise. At least I’m not. So, is the answer a pill that is working?  Or is the answer a more natural approach of exercise, a good diet, enough sleep, vestibular therapy, chiropractic care, massage, and relaxation techniques?   Is this the beginning of one prescription after another? Have I crossed over, as I rocket toward my next birthday and my hair gets grayer, and my favorite music is now “classic”?  (When did Stevie Nicks turn 73?!)

Our bodies are machines that have been with us for many years. They’re made up of miraculous, complex, interworking systems. Adding anything that is not natural is bound to have an impact. Positive here, but maybe negative there. I believe our society can sometimes be too eager to just take a pill.  My poor doctor has to go into full-on sales mode to get me to take anything.  Are we guilty of not really heeding what our body needs to help it adapt or heal itself?  Where is that happy medium?  And yes, the irony between all my Advil and the natural, healthy lifestyle philosophy is not lost on me. 

There is system failure in our bodies at times.  Very serious things can go wrong; that's not what I'm talking about.  I'm talking about non life threatening.  For us in particular, one of those non life threatening things is our endolymph running amuck. Our balance signals to our brains are disrupted.  We're losing our hearing.  When do all our lifestyle choices and our healthy living just plain need a boost?  When do we say "yes" to the intervention of modern medicine for chronic illness?  When did (or will) you know? 

A lot of questions, I know.  And all because I couldn't adjust the brightness on my new laptop.  Funny how new things can really make you think about change.